Halloween is just around the corner, and if you are anything like me, your main concern is how to deter those creepily costumed kids from muddying your door mat, banging on your door, and demanding free treats. I don't have time to hand out candy to little people. As a lady, this is the one night of the year I get to dress like a full on prostitute, and I certainly don't want to spend time that should be spent applying excessive make-up and squeezing into my halloween spanks apologizing to the kids that I have no candy for them (yes I ate it all- so what). Below please find some helpful hints to make sure no one interrupts you from squeezing into your slutty nun costume.
1) Turn off all lights;
2) Place a sign on your door that says "No Candy, No Way";
3) Place barbed wire around your house;
And if all else fails....
4) Carve a pumpkin that looks like a pedophile (see Pedophile Pumpkin Pete above).
Best Wishes for Kid Free and Happy Halloween, and you're welcome.
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