2) Since above rarely happens, get ready to be shoved into the oven-like-death-car that will take you + 12 bizzillion “friends” on the trip of a lifetime.
3) The pleasant sounding man over the speaker kindly asks you to “keep my hands and arms inside the train.” Do as he says, then give the annoying person holding the door open “its 830am kid, don’t F with me” look.
4) If you are lucky to have a non-crowded train, take a seat and relax, this may not be so bad.
5) But chances are you are stuck between a creepy guy and girl with dreads.
6) Train starts moving, note that it will pick up speed (HOORAY!) then shutter to a dead stop on a whim. Be patient, this is actually normal.
7) Great. Like your grandmother riding a Rascal the train jolts to a start – crawling ever so S-L-O-W-L-Y - begin to take inventory of your surroundings.
8) Bad idea: persons next to you eating a loosely made sandwich (yep it smells weird and its all over his face/your lap); snooty hipster wannabe reading Dave Eggers (we get it!), symphony of coughs/sniffs/sneezes (no matter what time of year), obnoxiously LOUD iPods, Farmville-ing game playing, and smells…just lots of smells.
9) Now just sit there, avoid eye contact, hold your breath, and hope you make it to your final destination.
10) Good luck.
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